I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want to have your abortion
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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