this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
