you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
