the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
