you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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