This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A bitchslap is in order.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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