ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
