Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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