It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
