Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
