I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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