he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
