That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
