new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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