Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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