she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
