last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
