I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
