Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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