i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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