found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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