dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
