I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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