apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
