You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
