you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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