He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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