Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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