I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
