I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
