I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pants are for mortals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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