So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
