So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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