Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
