so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
