OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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