There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i think my cat just said my name.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
