Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize