You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
