Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
