Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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