What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
