Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
