Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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