i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
