Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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