So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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