I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
