im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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