this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize