I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
