He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
4 words: hood of his car
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
