Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
