Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
