dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
