yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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