just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
