please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
