I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
