The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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