too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
