soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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