3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
