I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
